Everything is a LIE

I love the way I look tonight
But I love more the way we look together
My ego is not big just an illusion
Of whom I once wanted to be.

Now my heart is uncertain of whom I have become
I know I love her but just don’t know who she is anymore
It would be so much easier to just undo so much
It would be so much easier
Yes, it would be,
If I could just jump to her lips and kiss her
But NO!

She is away,
She is taken,
She is young,
Immature,
Uncertain,
Unknown,
Undefined,
Rough around the edges,
A dreamer,
A woman in the complete sense of the word
She is unreachable to me
She is out of reach…

She is a stranger and yet so familiar
I’ve seen her once and more times
I feel her warmth and her scent
Simple and never ending
But she is not there
She is lighting, striking
Quickly, dazzling
A spark that shows up
And hits only once on the same spot
And won’t strike me again
But I want it so bad.

It’s just a dream, a dead wish
A wish to be happy
At someone else’s happiness
That is why I only write these words
For you to never hear them from me
For you that for several reasons
I have lost, pushed back, let go or just forgot.

There is no whining
Nor crying much less regret
Or is it?
Maybe is a way to get out some frustration
Or envy but I’d say it is healthy

Today I wish I’d see her, but even more so
I am not sure if I do,
Or what I’d do if I did
But I know I’ll be nervous,
Happy and intensely, submerged
In the desire and passion but mostly
In the feeling she produces in me
If I don’t see her today, there is a tomorrow
Or maybe a never
But I know she will always
Bring a smile to my face.

From the mind of Cogliostro

WHITE FEATHERS

A white feather
Settles half obscured
Between couch and carpet
Where the parquet floor
Reveals itself In a diffident declaration
Of its existence


You talk, I listen
Half of a mind to shut you up
But as your words come tumbling out
Instead I think
How the world is littered
With falling things


You uninhibited and unaware
Continue to espouse your theories
On all of my numerous shortcomings
As the evening turns darker still


"Everything you are
And everything you’ve done
Doesn’t count for anything now"
Or so you keep insisting


Cloaked in vagaries of course
And uttered between sips of a third or fourth drink
Eyes shrunk to pins
A sure fire give-away
But nevertheless
I hand over all my power to this


More drinks
With half of an eye on the clock as it ticks
“You blew it “
You insist
"You didn’t have the time
Or the brain to value such things
Your lack of a university degree
Attests to this"


Externally I agree
On the off-chance
It makes you feel better
But mulling over a feather I conclude
You don’t have a clue
What you’re talking about


But then again
What words can I use to explain
The exquisite recklessness
Of finding oneself finally
At home


The profound shift
Of such an Exile
Travelling amongst a meandering tribe
Of forgotten men
Sparrows dressed up like peacocks
Or lepers turned gods of fortune


Our domain a playground
For exaggerated feelings
Projected then bounced back
In a carefully choreographed dance


An ancient ritual
A gentlemans agreement
Evangelists amongst the lonely
And the hyper-sensitives


Now as I deposed, return
So now you too must trek
To find your forgiveness

S.A.M August 24th 2010
Shirley Anne Manson

Another one that passes by

One more time this is me at my best
one more time I am a mess
I must change
I must calm myself
Need to calm down and think

One more time I've done more
I've gone over the limit
must shut myself and
destroy my ideas
just sit on my spot and
see from the distance

this is the day
when I have to make changes
spot making apologies
and be serious and front
I shall break the rules
I shall break the bonds
and it is so hard
the moment is here
I must not flee
I will beat myself

the challenge is in being clever
and being better
but staying with a clear head and choose
choose correctly what I must say
choose the best moment for me
I will face my challenges and my enemies
and will stop my demons
from ruling my desires

From the mind of Cogliostro